Only in my dream......

Malam tadi aku bermimpi akan dia.  The thing is, he has passed away almost 4 years ago and yet, off and on, dia akan appear dalam mimpi ku.

Aku bermimpi yang aku masuk satu bilik yang teramat luas dan selesa.  There he was, sedang berbaring dan berehat.  He smiled when he saw me.  I went to him.  I know for the fact that I was really happy to see him.  He smiled a lot.  Though he did not open his mouth when he talked, somehow I knew that he said he is comfortable there.  He looked really healthy in my dream.  The only thing that he complained was his left chest was a bit painful whenever he breathes.  I told him that it could be due to his illness (he had COPD and he passed away because of it).

Selepas berkata begitu kepada dia, aku pun terjaga.  It was so real that the moment I woke up, aku percaya yang dia masih ada.  Then reality begins to hit me.  He had passed away almost 4 years.  Masa aku terjaga tu, jam menunjukkan pukul 2:30 pagi.  Lantas ku sedekahkan Al fatihah kepada dia, moga dia terus tenang dan aman di alam sana.

By him appearing in my dreams, I believe, he is trying to tell me that he is ok and dont want me to be sad.  Dont you worry dear, insya allah, segala kata nasihat mu akan ku ingat selagi hayat dikandung badan.

Long lost friend?? maybe not!

Let me share with you one story that happened recently.  Someone who claimed to know me, schooling in the same school, in fact, in the same class for 2 years, suddenly wanted to be my friend in FB.  This particular person insisted that we were in the same class, and yet, I couldn't remember anything about him.  I remembered who my classmates were and this particular person didn't come across my mind at all.

Ok, out of courtesy, I accepted his request.  Then, he started bombarding me with private messages, telling the good old days during our teenage years.  He did throw in few names which I remembered who they were and yet I can't associate it with him.  Then, came the one statement, "ya, aku kenal dgn si zul cekedip tu.  Sekarang dia dah macam tong dram dah.  Hang pun dah gemuk sgt dah!!"  Ok, dah lah aku tak hingat hang ni siapa (to this very moment, muka dia masa zaman mumaiyiz memang langsung tak came across my mind), tiba2 suka2 hati aje nak sound orang.  Aku pun apa lagi, terus ler sound dia "wei, suka2 hati aje nak mengata orang".  He just laughed and kata gurau2.  Aku diam aje, maybe I thought I was being too emotional and sensitive with his jokes.

Bila aku tepek gambo2 kat wall, suka2 hati aje si mangkuk nie jadi nasi tambah.  Macam2 komen pasal gemuk, food and suka2 hati dia associate benda2 tu dgn aku.  Aku sound dia "what's your problem dude?"  Dia tak jawab, maybe tak faham kot.

Yang jadik aku meletup dgn perangai dia nie sebab dia sound kat gambo kitaorg lunch ramai2......"eeee....banyak nya makan"!  That's it, terus ler aku sound balik "aku makan banyak ke, ada ke aku mintak ko belanja atau mintak duit ko?"  Panik giler dia...terus kata, tak, aku gurau aje.  Hello, from day one ko dah kena sound, still tak faham lagi ke??  Then ada ler yg lelain cuba divert the story, my response was pretty simple "I am asking him an honest question, tak marah pun, I'm asking in the same honest way as he did".

Bila dia bagi jawapan sengal, memang kena lar lagi dari aku "bagi ko, gurauan tu berkisar pasal makanan dan kegemukan orang lain ke?  I pity you seriously".  Lagi ler dia sentapssss... oh, ko pikir ko punya sentapss aje....sentaps org lain ko buat bahan lawak.... terus ler dia kata, ok ler, lps2 nie aku ckp serious aje dgn ko....aku terus tak jawab.  For me, it's pretty simple, hope you got my message....no two ways about that.  Then aku gebang ler dgn member2 lain pasal keistimewaan keje baru aku nie.  Mata dia berdarah kot baca komen2 aku.....then mcm angin lalu, terus dia unfriend aku. 

Do I feel sad?  The answer is a definite NO.  In the first place, I cant even remember anything about him.  I guess mesti masa sekolah dulu pun, perangai dia macam nie, pasal tu aku dah delete dan pangkah muka dia besar2.....

The moral of the story is....if I go the extra mile not to humilate people in public, especially in their own FB, I expect people would treat me the same way I treat them.  Aku tak mau pujian melambung coz if you have nothing better to say, just shut up!!  Tak susah kan....mata ko pun tak sakit kalo org balas balik kutukan ko tu.  Ini tak, dah ler aku tak ingat siapa dia, sedap2 hati lak nak mengata org, lps tu kata bergurau!!  Kalau muka tu hensem, ok lah gak....ini, muka tetap cam Indon pecah rumah!!

Errk, by the way, ko yang claimed ko kenal aku.......tapi aku tetap tak kenal ko....So, boleh ler aku buat kesimpulan yang dari zaman sekolah lagi, aku memang femes.....ko tu aje yg terpaksa berhempas pulas utk mem"femes"kan diri ko tu kan.....Buat ler mcm mana cara sekali pun, the truth is, I dont know you and I dont even remember anything about you, full stop!!

Matters of the heart

Sekarang nie kan kecoh pasal pasangan retis yg konon dh putus, then mcm hanging aje relationship diaorg tu kan. 

I dont want to comment much about their relationship because it is none of my business.  Apa yang aku nak kupas nie, is more towards communication skills when one is in a relationship. 

Communication plays a very important role in our daily lifes.  Bila ada communication breakdown, memang ler akan ada problem besar.  Ehh....apa aku merepek nie.  The geist of the whole thing is, kalau rasa2 dah tak boleh berkomunikasi seperti manusia bertamadun, bila maki hamun dan cacian dah jadi sebahagian daripada routine, it is time for you to decide either to stay or just move on.  Tak ada gunanya to keep on being in an abusive relationship.  Abusive here means either emotionally or physically.  Kalau yg involve part physical tu, it is the more better reason for one to exit.  Kalau sebelum kahwin dah pandai2 angkat tangan dan pukul perempuan, apatah lagi kalau dah berkahwin, entah2 mati disembelih aje.

One thing that I fail to understand is why some women still want to be in this kind of relationship.  They always have the option to just angkat kaki and leave, but why?  Terlalu takut kepada pasangan kah atau mereka menjadi "cair" setelah dipujuk rayu?  Setakat nie, alhamdulillah, aku tak pernah lagi terlibat dgn abusive partner.  Bagi aku, kalau once lelaki yang belum sah jadi milik kita dah angkat tangan, itu tanda nya dia dayus dan tak hormati wanita.  And mintak2 dijauhkan lar dgn golongan2 seperti ini.

To be in a relationship requires mutual understanding and respect, to be able to accept one's strengths and weaknesses and to be able to talk/discuss matters/problems in a civilised way.  Kalau criteria2 tersebut tiada, memang tak ke mana lar perhubungan itu.

Nota kaki:  you are not an abusive, hot tempered man, right sayang??

Seribu satu misteri

Of late nie, sudah bermula semula kejadian2 yang tak berapa boleh diterima akal.  Last week, masa aku tengah syok online layan youtube, tiba2 kedengaran seperti bunyi cakaran (kuku panjang yek) ditingkap bilik ku.  Kejadian berlaku dlm pukul 11 lebih malam. 

Masa mula2 terdengar tu, aku agak terkejut dan terpana.....am I hearing things??? Is this real??  Ada ler dlm 15 saat gittew bunyi tu kedengaran......then terus senyap.  Aku masih lagi terpaku di atas katil....kemudian baru ler aku panggil mak aku kat ruang tamu dan mengatakan yg ada bunyi cakaran.  Kemudian, mak aku dtg masuk bilik ku.....of course ler dh tak de apa2 kan....aku pun bukak tingkap.....there's nothing outside!!!  Kucing pun tak de dilihat berdekatan tingkap bilik ku.

And kat tempat baru nie, dlm minggu ke dua, ada ler aku menerima "kunjungan" dari penghuni lain.  Dua hari berturut2 dia dtg kat meja aku.....and aku perasan, tiap kali nak terima tetamu tak diundang nie, aku berada dlm keadaan "terawang2".  "Dia" dtg masa tengah hari, time org ramai keluar lunch.  "Dia" berdiri di hadapan meja ku, berambut ala2 bob cut, berbaju merah....and she was so happy to intro herself, dlm bahasa yg aku tak faham.  Kali ke dua "dia" datang, dia berdiri di sebelah meja aku....and it really caught me unaware.....

Hari nie, ada 2 lagi "tetamu" baru.....tapi "depa" dok lalu lalang depan meja aku aje....and kali nie, "lelaki".  Aku tak berkesempatan lagi nak tgk secara dekat, or shall I say, "mereka" tak lagi menunjukkan diri betul2 di hadapan ku.....

Now I'm wondering, kalau kena pergi outstation (which in fact, memang kena), macam mana aku nak stay overnite kat hotel2???  Takkan aku nak tido kat lobi kot, like what I did when I was in SP??

Yang buat aku tertanya2 sehingga ke hari ini, kenapa "mereka2" ini suka benar perkenalkan diri pada aku??  Aku rasa cukup tak selesa bila secara tiba2 "mereka2" ini dtg depan aku....selalu buat copot jantung ku.....I must find out the answer.....and in the meantime, I must learn how to control my emotion.....

Cerita Ceriti

Semalam dgn hari nie kitaorg ada Annual Conference.  Macam2 dibincangkan, performance of each outlet, functions of each division, etc.

Masa Boss bagi briefing pasal division kitaorg, aku dgr aje....then, tiba2 abis aje briefing, dia intro kat semua org ler pasal newcomer, that is me.  Segan gak lah kan, tapi buat muka tebal, intro kan diri senirik.  Tergamam aku bila Boss cakap "formerly she was from the Secretarial & Legal team.  The main reason why we want her to join our division is that she can write very well and she is an expert in preparing board papers"....prfffttt!!!  Siap offer kat semua, sesiapa yg perlukan bantuan tulis board paper, sila rujuk pada aku....

Lepas tu dia cakap lagi, "now you are full time with us, right??" soklan perangkap tu...reason being, masih tak ada replacement utk jawatan lama ku...and I have been doing some sort of keje 1/2 hari opis lama, 1/2 hari opis baru.....makna tersirat nye ialah, now I have to be full time kat tempat baru ler......tak pe lah, kalo ada any ad hoc basis punya request, akan ku pertimbangkan.....

Petang tadi masa discussion, dia ulang balik benda yang sama "the reason why I take you into this division is that you can write excellent english, and I can immediately start giving you all the projects that are on going....by the end of your first year here, you will have 10 projects under you....".  Time nie aku betul2 terharu ler, english aku pun tunggang langgang, masih tak dapat bezakan advice/advise, practise/practice and yet ada org puji begitu sekali.

Yang buat aku seronok sangat ialah dah dapat green light utk pergi food tasting kat mana2 tempat aku suka, as long as it is more or less, the same concept dgn apa yg kitaorg ada....muahahahahaha.......happy nyeeee saya....

Dia dah cakap gak tadik, by Wednesday, dia nak start bagi board paper lain sebagai sample utk aku buat semasa dia cuti beraya.....at the same time, kena start tgk into agreement yang banyak tu....tak pe, sekarang cuma satu aje boss, compared to before, 1+12.....dont know how I managed to cope masa tu.....

Wednesday, meeting.....Thursday, teleconferencing.....Friday, island hopping.....my diary is full for this whole week and strange enough, I'm enjoying it.....