The many first time.....

I thought I was strong enough today.....but again, I failed to control my tears.  I thought I would remain calm when I paid "zakat" for myself alone, after so long I've been paying it for 3 pax. 

Immediately after the "doa" by the "amil" I quickly left and tears started to fall endlessly.  The memory came back haunting me, how you used to remind me to pay zakat way before the final week of ramadhan.....how you used to keep the zakat payment coupon in your diary, arranging it based on the years.

Tell me dear, how can I be strong when I visit you soon, the morning of first raya???  This is gonna be my first raya alone, without you.....after 14 years.....God, please give me strength to go through this "dugaan".....

Happy Birthday dear

Dear sayang

I know today is your birthday.  If you are still here with me, you would be happy and glad to celebrate your birthday....I can still remember your birthday last year.....your siblings called to wish you.....till you got tired of answering calls....

Do you still remember, last year we celebrated your birthday one day earlier by having "buka puasa"?? Your sisters came and you told me you really enjoyed the fried kuey tiaw that I cooked???

Never I realised that it would be your last birthday....it would be the final time we celebrated your birthday together....

This year, I can only pray for you, for your well being in the "after world".....My prayers will always be with you....May you rest in peace...

Insya Allah, I will be seeing you in the morning of first raya...It has been a long time since I visited you last year....

Once again sayang, happy birthday.........